Basic Quilting Class #1

Homework is finally done - not that there was so much or it was difficult, I just got way too distracted by the Log Cabin block. I pulled bits and pieces from my stash and made a dozen or so blocks. You only need 1.5 inch strips so I decided to just keep making these blocks out of scrap from quilts I'm working on until there are enough blocks to make a quilt -a scrappy quilt :)

The other blocks are great for practicing. One of the techniques we learned in class helps cut down on the waste - you draw a line through the square and sew a scant 1/4" seam on either side so you end up with two half triangle squares. This means the square has very small seams - which caused trouble for my sewing machine. Although I get the need to cut down on waste, I think I'll pass on this one in the future.

Another technique we learned was to make 2-for-1 half triangle squares. You mark down the diagonal (like always) and them mark 1/2 inch from the original line - on the side that is going to be trimmed off. You end up with all these lovely little half triangle squares just itching to go into the design of the quilt (or travel off to the scrap squad for them to use).

Here's what I came up with:

Basic Quilting Class #1

This week we have 3 blocks to make - each of them different. The first one is a lo cabin. I've done several log cabins and am totally intrigued by them. There are so many different ways to put this block together the options seem endless. I got a little obsessed (big surprise) and made two from the material for the class quilt and then spent some time in my Fat Quarter stash and pulled material to make a few more blocks. Who knows what I'll do with them but I thought I could use the practice.

Even Michael likes the blocks for class:

Wedding Guest Quilt

I spent a little time at The Quilt Loft with the owner of this quilt so she could arrange all the blocks. She had a very different idea for how they should be arranged so I'm really glad we got together - this would have been quite difficult via Pinterest.

Over the weekend, I got as much of the sash done as I could. The owner took one of the black blocks to put the details of the wedding on. Once I get that last block back, the piecing can be finished.

Here's what it looks like so far:

And, yesterday I finally finished the binding for G's RCA quilt. I've decided I just need to go to a coffee shop to get into binding. If I'm home, I want to sew - another big surprise. There is a shop next to the quilt store so I'll just kill two birds with one stone. Yesterday, just as I was leaving the parking log, the Long-arm quilter called asking questions about the RCA quilt she has. I just stepped into the Quilt Loft and we got that all worked out. It should be ready by the end of the week. Oh joy, another binding project :) But I'll work on the Baker's Dozen binding first.

Daring Greatly

A couple days ago, I had lunch with a friend and heard myself explain that the last couple months off (not working) had given me time to really dig into this book and consider how I want to change some things so I can engage and be more connected. As much as I need to work so I can finish paying off the mortgage, the things Brene' has explained are things I was ready to hear and do something with. Universal timing is the best, isn't it?

The Vulnerability Armory is filled with tricks we learned as kids to become invisible - so we didn't get hurt. I've known for a long time that invisible is one of my key personality traits. I even joke about wearing an Invisibility Cloak some days - people bump into me and are surprised to see someone there (if they notice bumping into anything). Invisible was a way I could avoid being abused. I never considered it was also keeping me from connecting, from living a wholehearted life.

The first step in moving toward engagement is what Brene' calls the Enough Mandate. Believing I'm enough comes with worthiness, boundaries and engagement. That second one is intriguing to me - who knew being vulnerable, engaging could have boundaries?

There are three shields (weapons) we all have in are our armory. To disarm them requires a belief of "being enough." The key is to recognize which shield we are using in the situation and decide to disarm it.

Shield 1: Foreboding Joy
This is a curious one to me. When something good/joy filled happens; instead of diving into the goodness you expect something terrible to happen. True joy - the kind that fills me up to overflowing - happens when I am willing to be vulnerable.

So here's my confusion... I'm not aware of expecting the other shoe to drop when things are going well but I am very aware that I don't do vulnerable much. Maybe this isn't a shield I use often?

And then, I turn the page and see the title Daring Greatly: Practicing Gratitude. So when life is good; which required being vulnerable, instead of expecting something bad to happen I say "Thank You!" Gratitude is the antidote for Foreboding Joy.

Brene' talks about joy and gratitude as spiritual experiences, not just human emotions and I totally agree. Several years ago when I decided to be more grateful, I started by doing exercises in a book - it was homework that needed to be checked off my To-Do list (really connected, huh?). I didn't believe it would change my life in any way.

Now, I can't imagine doing anything without saying thank you and believing that there is a Universal force (bigger than me) who hears my gift of thanks and returns that energy to me. This book is a great example of that gift return - I was ready for the next step and this is a great study guide. Yes, there are things in my life I'd rather not face - like making a house payment when I haven't worked in several months - but I have a beautiful home in an amazing neighborhood that I love. How can I be anything but grateful for that?

I love the way Brene' explains joy:

1. Joy comes to us in moments - we risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary. For me, the extraordinary is no more mortgage payments but what I'm so grateful for is running water, heat, an amazing view of the bay, and the list goes on.
2. When I honor what I have, I'm honoring what isn't in my life. I am learning to love myself and am grateful to still be alive. I no longer have to carry the tape that tells me I'm not smart and not pretty.
3. Every time I lean into joy and give in to those moments, I build resilience and cultivate hope.

Joy and gratitude are part of me - embedded in my thoughts, behavior and the fabric of my life. I've left things behind in the past few years that have governed my entire life and in their place, I have love for myself that I'm not sure what to do with. Knowing that this new attitude is paving the way for more connectivity is very satisfying; very exciting.

Artists Sketch Book

This idea turned out to be much simpler than I expected - after I got over needing to make it all color coordinated, that is. When I bought the fat quarters the other day, I wanted everything to have some Turquoise in it because I know that's one of the Artist's favorite colors. But when I started putting the blocks together, it got boring. So I dug into the stash and spiced it up a bit.

In all, there are 25 blocks - should make a nice sized quilt if she decides that's what she wants to do with it. And I took the left over material from the Fat quarters and made 2 1/2" strips to give to her to use for binding or sash or what ever.

One Christmas present done, tons left to do.

 

Life

I've spent most of my time over the past few days looking for a job. Which has limited the time I have for quilting and other endeavors but my bank account requires feeding and this is how I can make that happen. It's a struggle, for me, to deal with the sterile approach these days; you apply online, you hear nothing from no one and you have to assume it isn't you. So I've been in a bit of a slump - worthiness issues and all.

Yesterday I met with the Wedding Guest quilt owner to arrange the blocks of her quilt and I remembered there are things I do quite well. So, I'm back looking at all the job boards I know and submitting my resume to the great black hole and thinking good thoughts.

Quilt Basics Class #1

I am very pleased with my homework this week - if I do say so myself :) The assignment was to make the blocks that go between the focus blocks. They are 9-piece blocks with a border. I've done tons of 9-piece blocks but I've never had them come out square before - I've always had to trim or stretch them to fit into the size the pattern says they are supposed to be.

I put blue tape on my machine to mark the 1/4 inch mark. Even though I have a 1/4 inch pressure foot, I realized I wasn't paying enough attention to make my seams really straight - just mostly. And I think this is part of the success for this assignment. The other part is completely changing how I cut the material. The method I learned in class is producing much straighter strips which - big surprise - are making the piece more accurate.

And, I love this color combination - my usual monochrome approach which will change as the other quilt blocks get done but for now, it is so me.

Artists Sketch Blocks

The Wedding Guest blocks gave me an idea for a present for a friend who is going to art school. I picked up a few fat quarters that were on sale - very loosely coordinated - and will use some left over white material from another quilt. The white will be the center and I'll give her permanent markers so she can draw on all the centers. And then the fat quarters will be a boarder around the white. I'll put the blocks together with clips -  so she can pull a block out to work on it and then put it back - and when they are all done, we'll make a quilt of original art by a soon to be famous artist.

We'll see if I can get it done for Christmas but if not, there is always time to draw, right?

Daring Greatly

The past few days I've been reading about how men and women feel and react to shame; how different our triggers are.

In spite of Women's Lib; studies (and my personal experience) show that women are still assessed first on appearance and mothering and then on other things. Comments, even from total strangers, in either of these two areas often bring on waves of shame. (for me even comments from myself make me feel ashamed of my appearance) We are expected to be perfect but not allowed to make any mistakes or show any struggle while getting there.

Men haven't exactly been liberated either. They are expected to never be perceived as weak. Brene' uses the example of the Wizard of Ox - the real Wizard was normal so he built a box to stand on and a curtain to hide behind while he controlled the "great and powerful" Oz. Men respond to shame by either being pissed off or they shut down.

Brene' uses the term "cruelty culture" to refer to the open attacks on one another - especially on the Internet. But she also talks about a natural reaction to our own shame is to find someone doing worse in the area we feel the most shame and pick on them to divert attention away from us. This really helps me understand behavior I've seen on teams at work who fight amongst themselves about silly, trivial stuff.

"Cultivating intimacy - physical or emotional - is almost impossible when our shame triggers meet head-on and create the perfect storm."

Reading this sentence makes me realize that intimacy is what got lost when I ran and hid from Michael. Now that I understand my reaction was from the shame I felt of picking yet another man who doesn't share my money principals. And, I've realized I love him - richer or poorer - I'm determined to recapture the passion I once felt for him.

This also makes me wonder if there is a concept of "original shame"? Kind'a like original sin that impacts everything. When I read Brene's stories of people talking about shame and how it relates to physical intimacy, I wondered if the events of my childhood and the shame I still feel around that - even after 60 years - has somehow lead me to a cliff. I have seen and felt what physical intimacy can be but have done a fine job of running away from it.

And, at the same time, I realize the exercises I've given myself that involve reaching out, I consider successful except the person I care most about hasn't been the "man in my arena." I'm sure I'm thinking I'll practice with others (get perfect) so when I get the courage to talk to Michael, I won't make any mistakes. But who do I really want in my area? I want to get past feeling like he is not able to empathize - he's a guy, they don't do empathy - but how is that ever going to happen if I keep running away?

WG Quilt

There are enough signed wedding guest blocks to have 6 rows by 6 columns. We decided to cut down the border around the signature piece to minimize the "distraction". Because each block has one or more different materials in the borders, it's quite busy.

The next step is to start arranging them. Here are a couple test arrangements. I think this might take some time with the owner and I standing at the design wall until we get something we both like - there are so many possibilities.

Putting the darker blocks in the upper left and lower right and filling the middle with the lighter ones:

Arranging the dark ones in the middle and light ones on the outside:

Trying a somewhat random order - alternating light and dark:

Close up to show how the brown sashing is going to look:

Basics Class #1

I decided to use some of the money I received from the Mother's Love quilts to take a quilting class. I know, you all thought I was a trained professional, didn't you? But alas, the way I make quilts is self taught and I want to learn some more tricks so I signed up for a class at The Quilt Loft.

My main goal right now is to create quilts that are more precise - I would like my squares to come out to the size the pattern says they are and for them to actually be square. I was warned that the instructor of this class wasn't "all about" precision but the prospect of learning how to do things a different way was enough for me to sign up.

Last night was the first class and I feel like I've already learned new things that will help make my quilts more accurate and make the process quicker and more fun - totally a good idea.

We spent a lot of time talking and doing exercises that have to do with picking out material that has enough contracts to make the quilt attractive. I was struck by my deep need for monochrome pallets. I like it when all the colors of something - a quilt, clothes, room décor - are all from the same color, just different values. Quilts are more interesting when there is not only contract but also different colors. I'm going to be working on this on my own for a while before I get more comfortable with picking out material. What a sacrifice, to spend time in a fabric shop picking out material :)

Then we learned how to strip cut. I'd come up with my method all on my own a couple years ago. When I watched a video by Fons and Porter, I realized my method might be the reason my squares are never really square. Now that I've seen the right method and practiced a little, there is HOPE. I can see how my way was causing my strips to be slightly warped. And, when you multiply slightly by lots of blocks, you get wonky.

I took some material with me that I've had for years and never known quite what to do with it. It is a pretty monochrome pallet but now, I have additional pieces that will totally pump up the volume on this quilt. Can't wait to cut into it!

This is the fabric I took with me. The piece in the front is what I used for my "focus" piece.

 

And here are the other pieces that will make the quilt:

 



Wedding Guest quilt

I love the way the Universe sends me just what I need. Yesterday I was fussing over what to do next. I have a quilt and half to finish the binding on - neither are in any big hurry so wasn't really motivated to do that. And one of the drawers in my job box has all the material already cut and ready to put together but for some reason, I wanted something else to work on.

And then I get to meet someone who has a quilt project they want help with. When she got married, her mother worked with a quilter in Oregon to create a guest book out of quilt blocks. The guests signed the blocks in permanent ink and the idea was to make a quilt out of all the signed blocks. As she puts it, "9 years and 3 kids later, its still just blocks."

The colors are fantastic fall colors - just like the wedding was. So far, I've gotten the book apart and laid out all the blocks. We decided to put a chocolate brown sash to separate the blocks so I can get started on that tomorrow.

What fun!

Daring Greatly

"Empathy is connecting with the emotion that someone is experiencing, not the event or circumstance."

Before starting this book, I was developing the practice of gratitude - not that this practice has stopped but now I'm adding to it some - based on The Power , The Magic and my own beliefs about non-judgment. The practice of gratitude gives me some powerful examples of "you get what you give."

Empathy is something I've neither given nor received - or frankly understood until now. I can see how talking to someone about an event and having that person respond with "You're not alone" or "I know that feeling." would really help. I expect it would feel like I was supported. And thinking about the conversations I had in the past few days, my friends did respond with stories about their own experiences. At the time, I didn't realize why these stories made me feel so close to my friends but I think I was receiving empathy.

And I can see how just these few minutes of being engaged has made me more open, relaxed about what I'm reading and discovering.

Brene' goes on to talk about studies that have revealed the value of "expressive writing". I've written all my life about one thing or another. And the books I've written always have one or two scenes from my own life in them. The initial effort of putting these experiences down on paper has always felt a little like taking the garbage out - it leaves an empty spot for something else. For me, that's a really uncomfortable prospect here. If I continue to engage in reading and practicing the things in this book, there will be voids in my life (my heart) that will need to be filled and as of this time, I haven't had much luck in filling this kind of emptiness with anything different than the garbage that used to be there.

"You don't need to figure it out or master the information before you engage in conversation." That's the key for me right now. I will keep reading and writing and thinking even though I don't know all the answers or even what the goal is.

Kaleidoscope Placemats

I spent Saturday in the kitchen - I know, not my normal behavior. But I've noticed we aren't eating very balanced meals and decided if I did a little prep on the weekend, we would have more of the good stuff. Trouble is, once I started looking at recipes and put on my apron, everything took much longer than I expected. I'm really out of practice at the domestic goddess stuff. AND, we have several nearly complete meals in the frig, just waiting for someone to finish them off.

Sunday, I finished putting the Kaleidoscope material together - just in time to find out that my sister won't be able to come down to visit this weekend. No prob, I'll put the piece away until she can come down and then we'll work out how to finis it up.

 

Also, on Sunday, my friend the photographer came over for a quick photo shoot. The OS Quilt is done and I wanted to get a few descent pictures before delivering it to the owner. They'll make great greeting cards.

Next up

I'm tinkering with a couple patterns I really want to do and my not-so-plentiful stash but haven't set on my next project. And then, I get a ping from someone who wants some help with a project. Just in the nick of time :)

Daring Greatly - Shame Resilience

1. Recognize shame and understand its triggers
2. Practice critical awareness
3. Reach out
4. Speak about shame

I'm all about breaking down large tasks/strategies into small achievable chunks - that's what I do for a living. So this list is quite useful, and right up my alley. And the examples Brene' provides help me understand how she has applied them to her own life; I like knowing others have done this successfully. I also understand these seemingly simple steps can be difficult - BUT they aren't impossible.

In explaining how we deal with shame, Brene' identifies three basic responses - 3 rather obvious ones now that I've had some time to think about it.

1. Move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves (my personal favorite)
2. Move toward by seeking to appease and please
3. Move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive and by using shame to fight shame.

The key seems to be to stay logical, analytical when faced with shame - don't let my emotions take over. Brene' suggests repeating the word "Pain" out loud when you recognize that shame is in charge. What I realize from reading this section is shame has been in charge of certain things  in my life for so long, I've grown accustom, numb, fond of the silence.

I will stop on occasion and ask myself, "Just who is in control right now." And if the answer is shame, I'll acknowledge its influence and logic-out my next step.

As for the last assignment I gave myself... I reached out and talked to two people who suddenly showed up in my arena - or whom I finally acknowledged have been there for quite some time. In each case I talked about what I'm learning about shame and how it has influenced my life and behavior for years. We didn't speak about the specifics so I know I have a ways to go but today's practice of critical awareness will help me know how and what to say.

Hope is a wonderful sensation.

Kaleidoscope Placemats

I got into working on the Kaleidoscope material, I was still sewing when Michael came home last night. I'm fortunate to have a self-sufficient husband who understands when the truck is rolling down the hill, the last think I want to do is stop and make dinner.

I had serious doubts about this pattern - it seemed too easy to be true. I did a chevron quilt last year using the "old school" method of making half triangle squares and then matching all those points - great practice but once is enough, right? This pattern has you sew strips together, cut them into squares and the turn the squares so they make a chevron. There are still a lot of points to match but so far; this is much easier.

Here are the 3" strips laid out in the order that will make the chevrons. And a close up (just for the record):

 

 And here are all the squares put together to form the chevrons.

 

Now, all I have to do is sew the blocks together in rows on the diagonal and then sew the rows together. Should be able to get that done by the time my sister arrives next week so we can work out how to make the placemats from this material.

Daring Greatly

"Connecting (love and belonging) is why we are here. Shame is the fear of disconnection."

 

Here are three things about shame that helped me understand:

1. We all have it.
2. We're all afraid to talk about it.
3. The less we talk about it, the more control it has over our lives.

And here are definitions of a few words that get confused with shame:

• Shame - "I am bad."
• Guilt - "I did something bad" - something that doesn't match my values. Guilt influences positive change.
• Humiliation - "This isn't about me." I stay aligned with my values while trying to solve the problem.
• Embarrassment - "I'm not alone; others have done this." It will pass rather than define me.

Shame Resilience

"The ability to practice authenticity when we experience shame. Moving from shame to empathy."

 

I feel like I could write pages and pages after each paragraph in this book - like my whole life is an example of Brene's research. And, up to now, I've chosen to hold back and just write my detailed responses in my head where they are safely under my control; or I write them down to get them out of my head but I don't put them in my blog where someone might stumble on them. And although the idea of talking to someone is filled with hope for me; I haven't actually done that yet.

 

And then I read this, "Shame is a social concept - it happens between people - it also heals best between people."

 

Posting my thoughts on a blog which no one reads isn't exactly reaching out - it is? I think, because I'm a writer my first step in any project is to write it down. But now I know I will make progress if I actually share with someone "who responds with empathy and understanding." Those people in my arena that I've been ignoring -  are perfect candidates, aren't they?

 

My assignment to myself for this weekend is to talk to someone in my arena about this book and some of the things it is teaching me about myself.

 



Labels

I have to say, the only step in making a quilt that I don't look forward to is making the label for the back. My machine stitches letters and numbers so it isn't all that difficult - it just takes me for ever to figure out what I want to do. I've looked at dozens of preprinted labels but they never seem to be what I want.

A few months ago, I read an article that suggested making a block from the left overs and integrate the label as one of the pieces of the block. This method has worked out much better than anything else I've tried. Not that I'm pleased with them yet but I'm much closer than I was a few months ago.

I turned the 3rd corner on the binding for the OS Quilt yesterday and realized I hadn't made the label yet and I finished the Baker's Dozen quilting yesterday so that will need a label also. It seems to work best if I have more than one to do at the same time.

What do you think of these?

Kaleidoscope Placemats

When my sister was in town last time, I drug her to the fabric store - because that what I do with all the people I like. She mentioned that the placemat I'd made for her partner was falling apart from all the washing - he is a mechanic and everything he touches evidently needs lots of washing.

So she picked out a couple pieces for new placements and I found a few more that fit with the theme. Now, she is planning to come for a visit in a few weeks so I decided I'd better get crackin' so she can see what her choices are going to look like.

Here's the material - so far. I selected a Chevron pattern. I'll make all the material into the chevron and then cut it to the size she needs for placemats and put some borders on it.

Baker's Dozen - Quilting

The focus for the past couple day's has been to get the Baker's Dozen quilt quilted. I decided to do it myself instead of sending it to the Long-arm service. I love the way a quilt looks when it gets back from the long arm but this time of year (what with Christmas just around the corner and all), it might be a couple months before I got it back. And, it is small enough I thought I could do the quilting on my machine.

I had it laying out on the floor - all the layers basted together ready for the quilting - when Michael came upstairs. When I explained I was coming up with a quilt motif, he suggested scrolls because there are scrolls in the material patterns. That's a little advanced for my skills but it gave me the idea of waves - not as tight as scrolls but more interesting than just straight lines.

So I decided to take a shot at it and I'm liking the results. You can't really see the motif from the front (too much going on) so here's a picture of the back. To do something that doesn't have a specific pattern is different for me but good for my brain to step outside the box once in a while.

Daring Greatly

I continue to read this book but am having second thoughts about posting what I'm thinking. Then I read yet another sentence or paragraph about showing up and realize this is my way of showing up. So here are a few things that I'm thinking about...

"Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them."

The thought of sharing my feelings is a really scary so this section initially seemed to have nothing to do with me because it is about over sharing. And, then I read on and realize the reward for sharing appropriately is increased connection, trust and engagement. And isn't that what I really want? The key is share some not everything all at once so the trust can build.

The result of this sharing seems to be engagement and where these things exist, trust can build. I'm thinking about my behavior over the past year or so and for most of that time, I didn't want to be in the same room with Michael let alone share anything with him. I felt betrayed but looking more honestly at my own actions, I disengaged before our "big" acts of betrayal. I stopped working at our relationship assuming it would stay healthy without constant attention.

Reading Brene's examples and explanations how trust is built gives me hope, helps me understand how to rebuild the trust I crave. And, now I know more about how to do it.

I won't wait to engage until I feel trusted. I can start by sharing my feelings; by showing that I want, by re-engaging.

"Courage is contagious."

"I performed until there was no energy to feel."

The "Man in the Arena" speech by Roosevelt where the name of this book is taken just sunk in a little more... When Daring Greatly, there are people in the arena with you who love and support you, whom you trust. I'm really good at completely ignoring the people in my arena. In fact as I was reading this section I was saying to myself, "that's fine for her (Brene') she has a husband and kids and family. I got no one - I've built an arena with no access."

That's not really true. I have support. I just don't acknowledge it. Asking for support so I can experiment with new behavior is a unique idea - to me. I've always just dumped everyone I know when I want to re-invent myself. Wonder how this is going to unfold?

Baker's Dozen

Oh my! As time consuming as the 13 blocks were, the connecting blocks and assembly were dead simple. This is the first quilt in a while that doesn't require
"flowering" because there is simple sashing between each row.

I'm going to look for a beginner's photography class so my pictures convey how wonderful this piece has turned out to be.

The back will be a simple gray flannel and I'm going to do some stitch-in-the-ditch quilting - more on that when I get around to it.

 

Michael spent the afternoon golfing - it was actually 70 here today and a perfect day for golfing. I decided to do some prep work for meals this week - decided that if I were working, I'd be spending some time on the weekend prepping so I'm just going to fake it until I make it (till I get a job that is).

What was to be just a short stint peeling and blanching a few things turned into about 5 hours of working in our beautiful kitchen. I even fixed a recipe out of the Julia Child book - Cauliflower and water cress gratin. It was the movie Julie and Julia that set the example for my quilting passion and this blog so it only seems fitting that I mention my afternoon of cooking. Bread with olive tapenade and chocolate cream pie for dinner - yum!

Baker's Dozen Quilt

The second border on the blocks made a much bigger difference than I expected - and to think, I almost skipped this step.

 

Here's a rough layout - so I could see how all the blocks were going to look together:

 

 

And, here is what it looks like with all the connecting blocks. I was pleased at how quickly the connecting blocks went together - but then after the other blocks, nearly anything would seem easy:

 

I probably say this about every quilt I get to this point but this is totally stunning. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to sell this one.

Twinkle, Stink-le?

A few days ago, I posted some pictures for a Christmas ornament I found in one the McCall's magazine. It looked so easy. But maybe I'm just not a "crafter" because if this is what crafting is all about, you can count me out. I have a much greater appreciation for people who craft all year and sell what they've done at craft fairs - this has been a humbling experience.

 

AND, because I am who I am, there will be 10 Christmas star ornaments (maybe not until Valentine's day but there you have it). So far, I've gotten all of 10 sewn, turned and clipped. Here are the two that are almost done - still have to add a ribbon so they can hang on a tree.

 

Everyday, I learn something about myself :)

Daring Greatly

Myth #1: Vulnerability is weakness.

 

In this chapter, Brene' defines vulnerability as the "birthplace" of emotions. I grew up watching Star Trek (the original one) and decided I could be just like Spock - with a little practice. So much of my surroundings and memories were painful, the notion of not feeling truly appealed to me.

 

So that's what I did, for years, events came and went and I either denied my emotional reaction until it went away or I refused to put a label on my reaction so it never really existed. When I met Michael; from the moment I heard his voice on the phone; I felt something; a flutter in my stomach and an ache in my mind for something I'd never had. I definitely had bought into this Myth that emotions are a sign of weakness but I didn't care if everyone knew I felt something for Michael (even if it took me forever to figure out what I was feeling).

 

And now, reading through this section knowing I've let things stand between us, I realize I've reverted back to old, familiar territory - if I don't feel anything or talk about how I feel, it will go away and my life will be under my control again. But the consequence of this old approach is no longer acceptable - not feeling means not living, not engaging.

 

And then there is Quilt Magic - which I put out into the world without any concern if no one liked (or bought) my quilts. I love the process and am always blown away by the results and that was - and still is - enough. I am very proud to have my quilts out there.

 

The difference between being totally vulnerable with my quilts and completely disengaging with Michael is exhausting and not acceptable. This change to living Wholeheartedly will be easier because I have such a great example of how I want to be.

OS Quilt

Yesterday, I picked up the Old Shirt quilt from the Long-arm service. They do such a terrific job! The owner likes more modern style but this quilt top was put together by her great-grandmother somewhere in the 1920's and is made from old worn out shirts. It is a simple 9-patch quilt top. So to merge the old school with the new, the customer selected a diamond pattern and, in my opinion, it works perfectly.

OS Quilt - back from the long-arm:

Close up of the binding and quilt motif:

Back of the quilt - the material is a light blue denim and the quilting thread is cream colored. Very subtle, elegant.

Daring Greatly

"We all want to be brave."

The three components to scarcity are shame, comparison and disengagement. In reading the questions Brene' poses for each of these components, the first thing that came to mind was the culture at the company I used to work for and specifically the group I worked in. So many of these elements were practiced there. I didn't know how to define why I quite until I read this section. The brave thing, for me, was to quit without having another job lined up. I didn't know I was being brave I just knew I wasn't going to make any one happy - including myself - by living according to the norms of that culture.

And then I read the questions again while thinking about the culture I belong to at home - I'm going to assume you can have a culture of just two people. Frankly, I was surprised at how many of the questions I answered with yes - meaning it is a component of our culture.

What makes me smile is that for each of these elements that's part of our culture, I now am aware - they have specific labels and with a definition, I can figure out how to change my approach.

Brene' goes on to talk about shifting a culture takes awareness, commitment and work - every single day. Removing or minimizing the pressures of our national culture to shift the culture of our marriage will require constant vigilance. I wonder, as I read how Brene' partners with her husband to shift their family culture (they have two children) if taking on shifting our family culture will open the opportunities for us to become partners again? I will start with myself, my internal culture and see where it takes me.

At the very core of Wholeheartedness is vulnerability and worthiness: facing uncertainty, exposure and emotional risks and knowing tat I am enough.