Baker's Dozen - Quilting

The focus for the past couple day's has been to get the Baker's Dozen quilt quilted. I decided to do it myself instead of sending it to the Long-arm service. I love the way a quilt looks when it gets back from the long arm but this time of year (what with Christmas just around the corner and all), it might be a couple months before I got it back. And, it is small enough I thought I could do the quilting on my machine.

I had it laying out on the floor - all the layers basted together ready for the quilting - when Michael came upstairs. When I explained I was coming up with a quilt motif, he suggested scrolls because there are scrolls in the material patterns. That's a little advanced for my skills but it gave me the idea of waves - not as tight as scrolls but more interesting than just straight lines.

So I decided to take a shot at it and I'm liking the results. You can't really see the motif from the front (too much going on) so here's a picture of the back. To do something that doesn't have a specific pattern is different for me but good for my brain to step outside the box once in a while.

Daring Greatly

I continue to read this book but am having second thoughts about posting what I'm thinking. Then I read yet another sentence or paragraph about showing up and realize this is my way of showing up. So here are a few things that I'm thinking about...

"Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them."

The thought of sharing my feelings is a really scary so this section initially seemed to have nothing to do with me because it is about over sharing. And, then I read on and realize the reward for sharing appropriately is increased connection, trust and engagement. And isn't that what I really want? The key is share some not everything all at once so the trust can build.

The result of this sharing seems to be engagement and where these things exist, trust can build. I'm thinking about my behavior over the past year or so and for most of that time, I didn't want to be in the same room with Michael let alone share anything with him. I felt betrayed but looking more honestly at my own actions, I disengaged before our "big" acts of betrayal. I stopped working at our relationship assuming it would stay healthy without constant attention.

Reading Brene's examples and explanations how trust is built gives me hope, helps me understand how to rebuild the trust I crave. And, now I know more about how to do it.

I won't wait to engage until I feel trusted. I can start by sharing my feelings; by showing that I want, by re-engaging.

"Courage is contagious."

"I performed until there was no energy to feel."

The "Man in the Arena" speech by Roosevelt where the name of this book is taken just sunk in a little more... When Daring Greatly, there are people in the arena with you who love and support you, whom you trust. I'm really good at completely ignoring the people in my arena. In fact as I was reading this section I was saying to myself, "that's fine for her (Brene') she has a husband and kids and family. I got no one - I've built an arena with no access."

That's not really true. I have support. I just don't acknowledge it. Asking for support so I can experiment with new behavior is a unique idea - to me. I've always just dumped everyone I know when I want to re-invent myself. Wonder how this is going to unfold?