Kaleidoscope Placemats

I spent Saturday in the kitchen - I know, not my normal behavior. But I've noticed we aren't eating very balanced meals and decided if I did a little prep on the weekend, we would have more of the good stuff. Trouble is, once I started looking at recipes and put on my apron, everything took much longer than I expected. I'm really out of practice at the domestic goddess stuff. AND, we have several nearly complete meals in the frig, just waiting for someone to finish them off.

Sunday, I finished putting the Kaleidoscope material together - just in time to find out that my sister won't be able to come down to visit this weekend. No prob, I'll put the piece away until she can come down and then we'll work out how to finis it up.

 

Also, on Sunday, my friend the photographer came over for a quick photo shoot. The OS Quilt is done and I wanted to get a few descent pictures before delivering it to the owner. They'll make great greeting cards.

Next up

I'm tinkering with a couple patterns I really want to do and my not-so-plentiful stash but haven't set on my next project. And then, I get a ping from someone who wants some help with a project. Just in the nick of time :)

Daring Greatly - Shame Resilience

1. Recognize shame and understand its triggers
2. Practice critical awareness
3. Reach out
4. Speak about shame

I'm all about breaking down large tasks/strategies into small achievable chunks - that's what I do for a living. So this list is quite useful, and right up my alley. And the examples Brene' provides help me understand how she has applied them to her own life; I like knowing others have done this successfully. I also understand these seemingly simple steps can be difficult - BUT they aren't impossible.

In explaining how we deal with shame, Brene' identifies three basic responses - 3 rather obvious ones now that I've had some time to think about it.

1. Move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves (my personal favorite)
2. Move toward by seeking to appease and please
3. Move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive and by using shame to fight shame.

The key seems to be to stay logical, analytical when faced with shame - don't let my emotions take over. Brene' suggests repeating the word "Pain" out loud when you recognize that shame is in charge. What I realize from reading this section is shame has been in charge of certain things  in my life for so long, I've grown accustom, numb, fond of the silence.

I will stop on occasion and ask myself, "Just who is in control right now." And if the answer is shame, I'll acknowledge its influence and logic-out my next step.

As for the last assignment I gave myself... I reached out and talked to two people who suddenly showed up in my arena - or whom I finally acknowledged have been there for quite some time. In each case I talked about what I'm learning about shame and how it has influenced my life and behavior for years. We didn't speak about the specifics so I know I have a ways to go but today's practice of critical awareness will help me know how and what to say.

Hope is a wonderful sensation.

Kaleidoscope Placemats

I got into working on the Kaleidoscope material, I was still sewing when Michael came home last night. I'm fortunate to have a self-sufficient husband who understands when the truck is rolling down the hill, the last think I want to do is stop and make dinner.

I had serious doubts about this pattern - it seemed too easy to be true. I did a chevron quilt last year using the "old school" method of making half triangle squares and then matching all those points - great practice but once is enough, right? This pattern has you sew strips together, cut them into squares and the turn the squares so they make a chevron. There are still a lot of points to match but so far; this is much easier.

Here are the 3" strips laid out in the order that will make the chevrons. And a close up (just for the record):

 

 And here are all the squares put together to form the chevrons.

 

Now, all I have to do is sew the blocks together in rows on the diagonal and then sew the rows together. Should be able to get that done by the time my sister arrives next week so we can work out how to make the placemats from this material.

Daring Greatly

"Connecting (love and belonging) is why we are here. Shame is the fear of disconnection."

 

Here are three things about shame that helped me understand:

1. We all have it.
2. We're all afraid to talk about it.
3. The less we talk about it, the more control it has over our lives.

And here are definitions of a few words that get confused with shame:

• Shame - "I am bad."
• Guilt - "I did something bad" - something that doesn't match my values. Guilt influences positive change.
• Humiliation - "This isn't about me." I stay aligned with my values while trying to solve the problem.
• Embarrassment - "I'm not alone; others have done this." It will pass rather than define me.

Shame Resilience

"The ability to practice authenticity when we experience shame. Moving from shame to empathy."

 

I feel like I could write pages and pages after each paragraph in this book - like my whole life is an example of Brene's research. And, up to now, I've chosen to hold back and just write my detailed responses in my head where they are safely under my control; or I write them down to get them out of my head but I don't put them in my blog where someone might stumble on them. And although the idea of talking to someone is filled with hope for me; I haven't actually done that yet.

 

And then I read this, "Shame is a social concept - it happens between people - it also heals best between people."

 

Posting my thoughts on a blog which no one reads isn't exactly reaching out - it is? I think, because I'm a writer my first step in any project is to write it down. But now I know I will make progress if I actually share with someone "who responds with empathy and understanding." Those people in my arena that I've been ignoring -  are perfect candidates, aren't they?

 

My assignment to myself for this weekend is to talk to someone in my arena about this book and some of the things it is teaching me about myself.

 



Labels

I have to say, the only step in making a quilt that I don't look forward to is making the label for the back. My machine stitches letters and numbers so it isn't all that difficult - it just takes me for ever to figure out what I want to do. I've looked at dozens of preprinted labels but they never seem to be what I want.

A few months ago, I read an article that suggested making a block from the left overs and integrate the label as one of the pieces of the block. This method has worked out much better than anything else I've tried. Not that I'm pleased with them yet but I'm much closer than I was a few months ago.

I turned the 3rd corner on the binding for the OS Quilt yesterday and realized I hadn't made the label yet and I finished the Baker's Dozen quilting yesterday so that will need a label also. It seems to work best if I have more than one to do at the same time.

What do you think of these?

Kaleidoscope Placemats

When my sister was in town last time, I drug her to the fabric store - because that what I do with all the people I like. She mentioned that the placemat I'd made for her partner was falling apart from all the washing - he is a mechanic and everything he touches evidently needs lots of washing.

So she picked out a couple pieces for new placements and I found a few more that fit with the theme. Now, she is planning to come for a visit in a few weeks so I decided I'd better get crackin' so she can see what her choices are going to look like.

Here's the material - so far. I selected a Chevron pattern. I'll make all the material into the chevron and then cut it to the size she needs for placemats and put some borders on it.

Baker's Dozen - Quilting

The focus for the past couple day's has been to get the Baker's Dozen quilt quilted. I decided to do it myself instead of sending it to the Long-arm service. I love the way a quilt looks when it gets back from the long arm but this time of year (what with Christmas just around the corner and all), it might be a couple months before I got it back. And, it is small enough I thought I could do the quilting on my machine.

I had it laying out on the floor - all the layers basted together ready for the quilting - when Michael came upstairs. When I explained I was coming up with a quilt motif, he suggested scrolls because there are scrolls in the material patterns. That's a little advanced for my skills but it gave me the idea of waves - not as tight as scrolls but more interesting than just straight lines.

So I decided to take a shot at it and I'm liking the results. You can't really see the motif from the front (too much going on) so here's a picture of the back. To do something that doesn't have a specific pattern is different for me but good for my brain to step outside the box once in a while.

Daring Greatly

I continue to read this book but am having second thoughts about posting what I'm thinking. Then I read yet another sentence or paragraph about showing up and realize this is my way of showing up. So here are a few things that I'm thinking about...

"Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them."

The thought of sharing my feelings is a really scary so this section initially seemed to have nothing to do with me because it is about over sharing. And, then I read on and realize the reward for sharing appropriately is increased connection, trust and engagement. And isn't that what I really want? The key is share some not everything all at once so the trust can build.

The result of this sharing seems to be engagement and where these things exist, trust can build. I'm thinking about my behavior over the past year or so and for most of that time, I didn't want to be in the same room with Michael let alone share anything with him. I felt betrayed but looking more honestly at my own actions, I disengaged before our "big" acts of betrayal. I stopped working at our relationship assuming it would stay healthy without constant attention.

Reading Brene's examples and explanations how trust is built gives me hope, helps me understand how to rebuild the trust I crave. And, now I know more about how to do it.

I won't wait to engage until I feel trusted. I can start by sharing my feelings; by showing that I want, by re-engaging.

"Courage is contagious."

"I performed until there was no energy to feel."

The "Man in the Arena" speech by Roosevelt where the name of this book is taken just sunk in a little more... When Daring Greatly, there are people in the arena with you who love and support you, whom you trust. I'm really good at completely ignoring the people in my arena. In fact as I was reading this section I was saying to myself, "that's fine for her (Brene') she has a husband and kids and family. I got no one - I've built an arena with no access."

That's not really true. I have support. I just don't acknowledge it. Asking for support so I can experiment with new behavior is a unique idea - to me. I've always just dumped everyone I know when I want to re-invent myself. Wonder how this is going to unfold?

Baker's Dozen

Oh my! As time consuming as the 13 blocks were, the connecting blocks and assembly were dead simple. This is the first quilt in a while that doesn't require
"flowering" because there is simple sashing between each row.

I'm going to look for a beginner's photography class so my pictures convey how wonderful this piece has turned out to be.

The back will be a simple gray flannel and I'm going to do some stitch-in-the-ditch quilting - more on that when I get around to it.

 

Michael spent the afternoon golfing - it was actually 70 here today and a perfect day for golfing. I decided to do some prep work for meals this week - decided that if I were working, I'd be spending some time on the weekend prepping so I'm just going to fake it until I make it (till I get a job that is).

What was to be just a short stint peeling and blanching a few things turned into about 5 hours of working in our beautiful kitchen. I even fixed a recipe out of the Julia Child book - Cauliflower and water cress gratin. It was the movie Julie and Julia that set the example for my quilting passion and this blog so it only seems fitting that I mention my afternoon of cooking. Bread with olive tapenade and chocolate cream pie for dinner - yum!

Baker's Dozen Quilt

The second border on the blocks made a much bigger difference than I expected - and to think, I almost skipped this step.

 

Here's a rough layout - so I could see how all the blocks were going to look together:

 

 

And, here is what it looks like with all the connecting blocks. I was pleased at how quickly the connecting blocks went together - but then after the other blocks, nearly anything would seem easy:

 

I probably say this about every quilt I get to this point but this is totally stunning. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to sell this one.

Twinkle, Stink-le?

A few days ago, I posted some pictures for a Christmas ornament I found in one the McCall's magazine. It looked so easy. But maybe I'm just not a "crafter" because if this is what crafting is all about, you can count me out. I have a much greater appreciation for people who craft all year and sell what they've done at craft fairs - this has been a humbling experience.

 

AND, because I am who I am, there will be 10 Christmas star ornaments (maybe not until Valentine's day but there you have it). So far, I've gotten all of 10 sewn, turned and clipped. Here are the two that are almost done - still have to add a ribbon so they can hang on a tree.

 

Everyday, I learn something about myself :)

Daring Greatly

Myth #1: Vulnerability is weakness.

 

In this chapter, Brene' defines vulnerability as the "birthplace" of emotions. I grew up watching Star Trek (the original one) and decided I could be just like Spock - with a little practice. So much of my surroundings and memories were painful, the notion of not feeling truly appealed to me.

 

So that's what I did, for years, events came and went and I either denied my emotional reaction until it went away or I refused to put a label on my reaction so it never really existed. When I met Michael; from the moment I heard his voice on the phone; I felt something; a flutter in my stomach and an ache in my mind for something I'd never had. I definitely had bought into this Myth that emotions are a sign of weakness but I didn't care if everyone knew I felt something for Michael (even if it took me forever to figure out what I was feeling).

 

And now, reading through this section knowing I've let things stand between us, I realize I've reverted back to old, familiar territory - if I don't feel anything or talk about how I feel, it will go away and my life will be under my control again. But the consequence of this old approach is no longer acceptable - not feeling means not living, not engaging.

 

And then there is Quilt Magic - which I put out into the world without any concern if no one liked (or bought) my quilts. I love the process and am always blown away by the results and that was - and still is - enough. I am very proud to have my quilts out there.

 

The difference between being totally vulnerable with my quilts and completely disengaging with Michael is exhausting and not acceptable. This change to living Wholeheartedly will be easier because I have such a great example of how I want to be.

OS Quilt

Yesterday, I picked up the Old Shirt quilt from the Long-arm service. They do such a terrific job! The owner likes more modern style but this quilt top was put together by her great-grandmother somewhere in the 1920's and is made from old worn out shirts. It is a simple 9-patch quilt top. So to merge the old school with the new, the customer selected a diamond pattern and, in my opinion, it works perfectly.

OS Quilt - back from the long-arm:

Close up of the binding and quilt motif:

Back of the quilt - the material is a light blue denim and the quilting thread is cream colored. Very subtle, elegant.

Daring Greatly

"We all want to be brave."

The three components to scarcity are shame, comparison and disengagement. In reading the questions Brene' poses for each of these components, the first thing that came to mind was the culture at the company I used to work for and specifically the group I worked in. So many of these elements were practiced there. I didn't know how to define why I quite until I read this section. The brave thing, for me, was to quit without having another job lined up. I didn't know I was being brave I just knew I wasn't going to make any one happy - including myself - by living according to the norms of that culture.

And then I read the questions again while thinking about the culture I belong to at home - I'm going to assume you can have a culture of just two people. Frankly, I was surprised at how many of the questions I answered with yes - meaning it is a component of our culture.

What makes me smile is that for each of these elements that's part of our culture, I now am aware - they have specific labels and with a definition, I can figure out how to change my approach.

Brene' goes on to talk about shifting a culture takes awareness, commitment and work - every single day. Removing or minimizing the pressures of our national culture to shift the culture of our marriage will require constant vigilance. I wonder, as I read how Brene' partners with her husband to shift their family culture (they have two children) if taking on shifting our family culture will open the opportunities for us to become partners again? I will start with myself, my internal culture and see where it takes me.

At the very core of Wholeheartedness is vulnerability and worthiness: facing uncertainty, exposure and emotional risks and knowing tat I am enough.